171 Posts

Justin Bieber recently wrote a heartfelt tribute to his “friend”, Thomas Ayad, who recently lost his life in the Paris attacks, but an insider has come forward accusing the Biebs of being barely acquainted with Ayad. He even went as far to say that Ayad “despised” Justin, and thought he was a “douchebag”. The source, who claims to have been a longtime friend of Ayad elaborated further; “They were in the same industry, that’s all. It’s kind of nauseating how Justin has resorted to exploiting the tragic deaths of those he barely knew just to garner attention for his waning music career.”
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Tinseltown is brimming with dread and sorrow after discovering a popular A-list celebrity could be responsible for infecting up to half of Hollywood’s acting talent with HIV.

The anonymous a-lister is being called “Hollywood’s Patient Zero”, and they’re accused of starting an epidemic which has swept through the upper echelons of our most beloved actors and actresses.

Patent Zero is said to be a notorious playboy, known for his nefarious sexual practices, as well as his penchant for abusing intravenous drugs. He has also allegedly spent the past two years keeping his diagnosis a secret, even to his numerous sexual partners. These women went on to sleep with others in the entertainment industry, exponentially spreading the disease to both movie and television stars alike.
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After pleading guilty to child pornography charges and paying to have sex with minors, disgraced Subway pitchman, Jared Fogle, is finally facing the music. A tune I imagine being quite sweet to Fogle’s ears, but deeply unsettling for the rest of the sane, and decent world.

Due to a modified plea agreement, Fogel will only have to serve 12 months in a minimum security prison, after which he will be on probation for 24 months. The only saving grace, perhaps, is Fogle will be required to register as a sex offender for the next 50 years.
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Airbus recently filed patents for several innovative new seating arrangements within the passenger cabins of their mass-transit air craft, but potential patrons are already wincing in disapproval.

The latest patent confounding social media users is referred to as the Mezzanine model, depicting humans stacked atop one another ala Tetris. Among other things, the Mezzanine stands accused of being a cynical tactic on behalf of Airbus, and merely a ploy to cram more people into their flying metal bullets, thereby raising profits significantly.

Airbus is no stranger to unusual designs. In 2014, the budget travel giant registered a patent for a flying saucer, with circular seating arrangements that expanded outward from the center of the plane.
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A study out of Denver’s Diversity Symposium has found the only way for people to extinguish racism in their own hearts and minds is to become experts at identifying racism in others.

Dr. Wilder, a researcher of racial and cultural statistics gave an interview recently where he informed reporters of his findings.

“Everyone has some form of prejudice. That is simply human nature. But I’m confident in saying that my dedicated group of researchers have found a way in which we can all vanquish those racist impulses that each of us are infected with.

Dr. Wilder went onto say, “The primary way to purge yourself of your own racist inclinations is by diagnosing racist features in others. We’ve found that with each accusation, the brain releases dopamine which diminishes any racist thoughts the accuser may have.”
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Dear Jane,

I’ve been in such a state of perpetual turmoil ever since giving birth. My child, pronoun “they”, is now 3-years-old. I have been mired in a heinous state of chronic depression because “they” do not want to play with girl’s toys. It destroys me that “they” might be another white CIS male, and another future agent of the patriarchy. That’s just not the type of lifestyle I can support or agree with. “Their” father has also been deeply despondent over our child’s reluctance to conform to our stance and ideals on gender. My husband identifies as gender neutral, and whenever “Xe” (my husbands current pronoun) witnesses our child playing with toy trucks and trains, it triggers “Xer” so hard that “Xe” crumbles into a quivering pile of inconsolable PTSD jitters.

My question is, how can I persuade my child to blossom into the fabulous transgender individual that I know in my heart “they” truly are? All I’ve ever wanted was a trans child, and the fact that “they” seem so drawn to boys toys and refuse to don the lovely dresses I so painstakingly choose for “them” just crushes my soul. What can I do to make “them” understand the harm that they inflict on our family through “their” identity as a CIS-gendered white male? Please Jane, help us, it’s tearing our family apart.

Sincerely, Ariana
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