Recently the folks over at Thought Catalog did a Q&A which involved the particular taste of their boyfriend’s love-juice. The writers at Every Woman Weekly found the idea greatly amusing; albeit a bit sexist.
Why was there no narrative from the male partner’s POV? Vaginas are beautiful, magical things, and I’ve written at length about them in the past.
So me and the ladies approached men on the street near Every Woman Weekly’s headquarters here in Portland, Oregon. Our question: What does your female partner’s neither region taste like?
Although a portion of men wanted no part of our questionnaire–because they are obviously sexist pigs–we did manage to get ten progressive males to share with us their experiences in “dining out”.
With those answers I present to you, my dear reader: 10 Men Describe What Their Girlfriend’s Vagina Taste Like
1. Fermented Pineapple
“I only bone vegan chicks so basically all the vagina I indulge in starts to taste the same after awhile. Maybe a hint of citrus here and there. Or the bittersweet tang of a sweaty, fermented pineapple.” – Peter, 29
2. Vanilla Milkshake Sitting In a Hot Car For Several Hours
“My girl tends to overdo it with those fruity smelling body sprays. As a result, I usually get a mouthful of the residuals when I go down south, get what I’m saying? It’s like getting a mouthful of synthetic vanilla molten soft serve erupting from her little volcano! Haha! I hope she’s not reading this!” – Daniel, 31
3. Water At The Bottom Of A Can Of Tuna
“The last time I chowed down on some broad’s nappy dugout it tasted hardcore like some clammy-ass water you usually dump down the sink when your making a tuna sandwich. I just did the alphabet with my tongue as fast as I could while pretending I had a gun pointed to my head so I wouldn’t vomit. I hope the next chick I service has the courtesy to freshen up before I yodel in her canyon!” – Phil, 45
4. Canned Dog Food
“My wife’s love juice has a scent and flavor much akin to a freshly opened can of Alpo. She’s lucky I love her so much because I don’t know if any man besides myself would willingly endure playing in her sandbox when it tastes like a pile rancid dog slop.” – Norman, 38
5. An Ashtray Filled With Vomit
“My girlfriend chain smokes and eats a lot of acidic food so whenever I tongue-punch her clam It’s like dipping my face in a hairy basket which reeks of cigs and puke. Miranda, if you’re reading this, don’t get upset. Just lay off the smokes, doll.” – Gerry, 41
6. Microwaved Fish Sticks
“My girl eats a lot of fast food. When I get the urge to plunder her gunt, I am almost always overwhelmed by the fetid stench of soggy microwaved fish sticks. Needless to say, I have become very talented at breathing through my mouth.” – Eric, 25
7. Other Men’s Semen
“My primary lady-friend and I are in a poly-amorous relationship, therefore I can usually expect her baby box to carry the essence of her previous lovers. I have learned to savor the zesty twang of other men’s baby badder co-mingling with our own passionate excretions. I like to fantasize about all the hammer’s which have formerly pummeled her meat-muffin while I lovingly lapping up her labia-gravy. As a progressive male feminist, I am honored to slurp all the love-custard from my woman’s well-used snapper.” – David, 33
8. Overcooked Chili-Dogs
“First time I went down on my ex the smell immediately made me flash back to a childhood memory where I was at the local fair, and my mom had gotten me and my brothers chili-dogs from this one particularly decrepit looking vendor. They were the vilest things I’ve ever tasted, and I think the hot dog’s may have been spoiled. That was the first thought I had… Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long after that. – Timothy, 23
9. Nickles Baked In Shit
“My chick used to wipe the wrong way so I got a little extra treat whenever I would pig out on her pastrami sandwich. Her snizz itself kinda tastes metallic. So yeah, the combination of nickles and poo would best describe the flavor of my honey-“poo’s” chasm.” – Karl, 51
10. Wet Dog
“You ever have a big stinking wet dog jump up in your lap and start licking you in the face? Well basically that… Yeah, it wasn’t pleasant. – Carl, 31
© Jane M. Agni (2017, March 03)
Originally Published On Every Woman Weekly