Do you second guess every utterance which comes from your stupid, stupid mouth, while mercilessly beating yourself up for what you have contributed to the conversation. All while attempting to maintain a facade of calm, confident sanity until you are completely exhausted, and just want to crawl into a dark, quiet room, far removed from the outside world?
We all feel awkward during social interactions from time to time. There’s a constant, gnawing worry that we’ll say something stupid in front of our peers, or we’ll over-analyze the conversation until it feels less like an enjoyable exchange of ideas, and more akin to an intense, life-threatening game of chess.
Fortunately for many of us who experience these perpetual feelings of inadequacy Self-Worth Digest has compiled a list of five safe, healthy ways to endure situations that involve one or more persons.
5. Consume Copious Amounts Of Liquid Courage
It’s not called a “social lubricant” for nothin’! If you find yourself in the appropriate setting such as a concert, a book signing, or a children’s birthday party, knock back a few cold ones, or better yet, come prepared with your very own flask filled with the liqueur of your choice!
A nice buzz can take the tension out of even the most harrowing of social situations, and few things can be more troublesome than interaction with other human beings.
4. Force Yourself Out Of Your Comfort Zone
While I realize this one might seem contrary, as engaging with another sentient being is already out of your comfort zone, let’s say you challenge yourself to walk through skid row at 3:00am and speak with some of the criminally insane vagrants there.
Or maybe book a trip to a 3rd world country that’s currently experiencing a bloody civil war. Consider joining one of their rebel factions, and fight alongside whoever has the most charismatic leader! Once you’ve survived an ordeal like that, chatting with a couple of strangers will truly seem like a cake walk!
3. Work Full-Time At Wal-Mart
There is perhaps no one more miserable, more stressed, and more forced into unwanted social interactions than a Wal-Mart employee. Consider getting hired as a cashier, or better yet, a greeter, and watch as person after person tramples your warm, welcoming nature until you are a bitter, cold and emotionless husk. As all humanity has been stripped away, you become little more than a robot who simply reads off a prepared script.
This traumatic, but character-building experience can truly open a person’s eyes to how soulless and moronic most people are. And by virtue of that ugliness which you can never unsee, always resting in the back of your mind, you will be infinitely more comfortable and confident in your interpersonal relationship skills!
2. Concoct an Elaborate Ruse So that People Believe You Are Either Deaf Or Mute (Or Both)
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If no one thinks you can hear or speak then you’re instantly freed from the hellish shackles known as “social etiquette”, and “normal adult behavior”. What kind of monster would fault a mute for not being talkative enough? Who’s going to blab for hours at someone who can’t even hear them? Now you can be as awkward and detached as you want, and people will still be happy to keep you around as their token handicapped friend, with almost zero effort on your part. It’s a win-win!
1. Avoid Social Situations All Together
What could be a more concrete way to exterminate social anxiety than to cut out engagement with other homosapiens altogether? As I’ve noted, socializing is exhausting, and frankly overrated. Wouldn’t you much rather curl up in the comforts of your cozy, familiar nest and watch a movie on Netflix? Or mindlessly scroll the internet for funny memes? Of course you would! So why force yourself to do something that you don’t want to do?
Cancel those dinner plans for your mother’s birthday! And let Aunt Edna know you won’t be making it to Uncle Herman’s funeral (but you send your condolences.) Then say hello to your new life of complete and total isolation! Where nothing unexpected, or socially embarrassing will happen ever again!
© Jane M. Agni (2017, September 25)
Originally Published On Self-Worth Digest