(Portland, Oregon) – A restaurant owner in Portland, Oregon has been arrested and charged with funding his business via the illegal use of EBT cards. Reparations Bistro, located in North Portland, gained mainstream media attention due to their controversial practice of giving free meals to African American patrons, and charging Caucasian diners double.
Rick Derringer is the 53-year-old owner and operator of Reparations Bistro. An Oregon native, Derringer reportedly took great pride in being both a chef and a human rights activist. He also employed several disadvantaged minority youths, who are now jobless after the Bistro was forced to close until further notice.
Homeless Woman with two dogs
(Portland, Oregon) – A fringe animal rights group in Portland, Oregon has left many residents angered, and the homeless population on edge. Animal Lovers Against Homeless Pet Ownership (ALAHPO) manifested as a rogue activist faction in 2010, but only recently have they begun acting on their extremist ideals.
What is it that has left so many of Portland’s citizens perturbed? A systematic campaign in which members of ALAHPO kidnap animals from the homeless, and re-home them with responsible families via an underground network of sympathetic veterinarians and animal rescue organizations.
The members of ALAHPO prefer to keep their identities secret for fear of potential backlash against their operations. The group was created by a woman calling herself “Beth”, and I was able to speak with her through an email exchange. While many of the local social justice warriors have been vocally disgusted by ALAHPO’s actions, Beth says that she doesn’t care, and is far more concerned with saving the lives of animals than pandering to today’s PC social climate.
World Naked Bike Ride – CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION!
(Portland, Oregon) – Imagine, if you will, driving home from a pleasant outing with your friends and family. You’re cruising down a city street, feeling good about the delightful dinner you’ve just shared with those closest to you. You and your loved ones are chatting it up without a care in the world. That’s when, seemingly out of nowhere, your car is surrounded by naked men on bicycles…
They begin yelling obscenities and spitting on your vehicle. One of the men lewdly gestures to his exposed genitalia. Your only avenue of escape is vehicular manslaughter, but you’re no murderer. Instead, you lock your car doors, grit your teeth, and continue driving; Hoping beyond all hope that the nude, intoxicated thugs will eventually pass you over.
As you become immersed in a growing sea of pasty white flesh and bike reflectors, you wonder if you’ve somehow stepped over into an episode of the Twilight Zone. Sadly, such is not the case. This is reality, my shell-shocked friend, and what you’ve just witnessed is Portland, Oregon’s annual event, the “World Naked Bike Ride“.
(Portland, Oregon) – The City of Roses has issued a water boil alert after three consecutive drinking water samples were found to contain heavy traces of E.Coli and other bacteria. On Thursday the Portland Water Bureau issued the following warning via their official website:
“Until further notice, all Portland Water Bureau customers and those in the affected areas should boil all tap water used for drinking, food preparation, tooth brushing and ice for at least one minute. Ice or any beverages prepared with un-boiled tap water on or after May 20 should be discarded. Detailed maps, fact sheets and additional information can be found at the links below or by calling Customer Service at 503-823-7770. ”
(Brooks, Oregon) – Marion County commissioners recently approved a new “green” incinerator which generates electricity by burning tissue from aborted fetuses. “We have let this valuable resource go to waste for far too long”, explained executive commissioner, Cheryl Briggs. “Multiple clinics in several counties have supplied us with their fetal refuse. It has been enough to generate a consistent source of clean energy for over a month now. If our estimations are correct, we will eventually be able to power the entire town using this method.”
Some weren’t so enthusiastic in regards to the county’s new fetus-powered generators. Brooks, OR resident, Helen Maples, was horrified when we informed her of the project. “I’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that whenever I flick a light switch or operate an appliance, it’s going to be due to the fact that they are shoveling dead babies into a furnace. That is just wrong and I feel incredibly sick about it.”
In a recent nationwide survey conducted by the Oklahoma Symposium of Racial Studies, researchers claim to have pinpointed the individual US cities that are most plagued by racism. The list included locations such as Atlanta, GA, Phoenix, AZ and Chicago, IL. However, the city crowned most infected with the cancer of racial intolerance came as a shocker to many: The so-called “liberal” utopia of Portland OR.
Yes, it seems the City Of Roses came out at the top of the list for most racial tension, blowing all the other cities away with their tie-dyed, race-riot.
Researchers cite several instances in which the occupants engaged in activities which would make one think that underneath all the hipster attire lurks a horde of rabid klansmen in hippie’s clothing. From run-of-the-mill racism to even more abstract and subtle forms of prejudices that can only be found in the rainy, north western city, PDX seems to be absolutely brimming with bigotry.