Jane, I’m currently dealing with a seriously urgent issue and I believe you’re the only individual with the perspective to lift me from my dilemma. After reading your heartwarming response to the mother who wanted her 3 year old son become transgender, I was moved beyond words by the compassion you displayed.
First, a little backstory on my situation. I was born to two white parents who were extremely abusive towards me throughout my entire childhood. Verbal, physical, sexual, you name it… I do not identify as Caucasian, although genetically, I am considered to be white. I have always resonated towards African American culture and have associated the white race with the pain, and oppression which dominated my upbringing. I feel a kinship among my dusky brethren as we share a common abuser. Caucasians are culturally a vicious and exploitative race, and I want no part of it.
I’ve been in such a state of perpetual turmoil ever since giving birth. My child, pronoun “they”, is now 3-years-old. I have been mired in a heinous state of chronic depression because “they” do not want to play with girl’s toys. It destroys me that “they” might be another white CIS male, and another future agent of the patriarchy. That’s just not the type of lifestyle I can support or agree with. “Their” father has also been deeply despondent over our child’s reluctance to conform to our stance and ideals on gender. My husband identifies as gender neutral, and whenever “Xe” (my husbands current pronoun) witnesses our child playing with toy trucks and trains, it triggers “Xer” so hard that “Xe” crumbles into a quivering pile of inconsolable PTSD jitters.
I’ve been going through an existential crisis for the past several weeks and I’m really hoping you can help me out.
So, I’ve been dating a guy for about two months now and I’m really, really into him. Doesn’t sound like a problem, right? Well, in the past (and even up until this current relationship) I’ve been, how shall you say, a bit lax on who I’ve went to bed with.
I’m just an easy going gal who’s into trying out new things, enjoying life, partying all of it relatively harmless I would think…
The wonderful man I’m currently dating has absolutely no idea about my past as a hussy and I’m not sure how or even if I should inform him about it. One girlfriend of mine insists I shouldn’t and it will spoils things for us but I don’t know, that just seems so dishonest. I don’t want our relationship to be founded on dishonesty but at the same time I don’t want to scare him away with my sexual history.
My question is: Should I tell him? Or could it destroy the feelings he currently has for me?
Thank you and keep up the great work ladies!
Brenda Around The Block