Dear Jane, let me first say that I greatly admire your work, and hope to one day be a prominent feminist icon, such as yourself.
I’m in my early 20’s and attending my second year of Women’s Studies at Cambridge College in Boston, MA. I’m fat positive, bbw, bisexual cis-girl who has been feeling particularly lonely as of late. When I have attempted to enter the dating game, the “men” frequently turn out to be assholes who don’t understand the importance of feminism, LGBTQ rights, and everything else that’s so super essential in today’s society.
Worse yet, some men I’ve met have been outright misogynists, and even attempt debating me on the necessity of feminism in modern American culture.
I am what most would consider to be a fairly attractive woman. I’ve had no problem getting dates in my early twenties, and by “dating” I mean having semi-anonymous, no-strings-attached romantic encounters with a seemingly endless parade of attractive, successful men. I was on top of the world, for a time… Like most young women these days, I bought into the whole “sex positive” rhetoric which claimed that woman should never be shamed for their sexual appetite, however voracious it may be. If a woman wanted to have dozens of sexual partners, then gosh darn-it, she was entitled to that right just like any ole man would be!
Jane, I’m currently dealing with a seriously urgent issue and I believe you’re the only individual with the perspective to lift me from my dilemma. After reading your heartwarming response to the mother who wanted her 3 year old son become transgender, I was moved beyond words by the compassion you displayed.
First, a little backstory on my situation. I was born to two white parents who were extremely abusive towards me throughout my entire childhood. Verbal, physical, sexual, you name it… I do not identify as Caucasian, although genetically, I am considered to be white. I have always resonated towards African American culture and have associated the white race with the pain, and oppression which dominated my upbringing. I feel a kinship among my dusky brethren as we share a common abuser. Caucasians are culturally a vicious and exploitative race, and I want no part of it.
I’ve been in such a state of perpetual turmoil ever since giving birth. My child, pronoun “they”, is now 3-years-old. I have been mired in a heinous state of chronic depression because “they” do not want to play with girl’s toys. It destroys me that “they” might be another white CIS male, and another future agent of the patriarchy. That’s just not the type of lifestyle I can support or agree with. “Their” father has also been deeply despondent over our child’s reluctance to conform to our stance and ideals on gender. My husband identifies as gender neutral, and whenever “Xe” (my husbands current pronoun) witnesses our child playing with toy trucks and trains, it triggers “Xer” so hard that “Xe” crumbles into a quivering pile of inconsolable PTSD jitters.
I’m a 33-year-old mother of two beautiful boys, Damien, who is 7-years-old, and 11-year-old Azriel. I’ve been a part of the gothic subculture since high school. I love the music, the art, and the style of dress. I don’t get to go out to the clubs like I use to, but I’m more than content with my life as a mom. We enjoy our little dark haven here in Kane, Pennsylvania, and I wouldn’t trade it for a date with Rozz Williams himself.
My question deals with the backlash I’ve received because of how I choose to dress my two boys, and the constant pressure from the local school system to conform.
Jane, I’m a woman in her mid-30s who still attends weekly goth nights at some of the bars in my area. Recently I’ve started to notice a much younger crowd at the clubs I frequent. More and more I find that I have absolutely nothing in common with this new generation of kids. I have a house, a career, responsibilities. I’m not the same person I was way back when. I don’t even dress in all the black clothes and fishnet anymore.
These observations have left me with a bitter taste in my mouth and I’ve begun to wonder: Am I too old to be going out to clubs? I mean, is that chapter of my life over now that I’m well into my 30s? Is there a point where you can become “too old” for the goth club?