Category Archives: Jane Agni’s Greatest Hits

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Chippie The RFID Coming Soon To A School Near You!

(USA) – In an effort to separate myth from truth regarding the federally mandated Obamacare RFID chip implantation program, a public awareness campaign has been launched to tour in a number of public schools across our nation.

The operation features a jovial animated mascot, a cartoon RFID chip named “Chippie”. They use the character to demonstrate to their young audience the benefits of having the RFID implanted under your skin.

After a whimsical 30 minute cartoon following Chippie during one of his many adventures, there is a puppet show where children are encouraged to ask Chippie any questions they may have relating to the RFID chip or the implantation process. Each child leaves the exhibition with a “Chippie” stuffed doll, coloring book and several informative pamphlets for their parents to read that may assuage any lingering fears to their children receiving the device.
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The State Of Wyoming Have Stated Plans To Put The RFID Chip On The State’s License Plates To Show Their Pride

(Hanna, WY) – It had been three long months since I last visited the quiet mining town of Hanna, Wyoming while on task to cover the groundbreaking test launch of the Obamacare RFID chip. I finally decided it was time to catch up with the wonderful citizens of Carbon County and see how they have been doing with their RFID implants.

Overall public opinion of the RFID seems to be positive among Hanna’s townsfolk. I spoke with Earl Gentry, a retired miner, longtime resident of Hanna, Wyoming and one of the first recipients of the RFID Chip in his community. He told me the following:

“Heck, I don’t know how I lived without one. I use the RFID Chip at the doctor’s office; I’m able to purchase food and clothing from all my favorite stores. I definitely believe our country would benefit from a federally mandated RFID law.”

I was pleased to hear about the project’s success which has lead to major advancements in RFID technology. At half the size of its predecessor the latest “MINI RFID” is able to hold over 100GB of data which can be easily updated to include medical records, insurance information, drivers license number as well as criminal history and some outstanding credit debts.
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The Fine Citizens Of Overbrook, KS Enjoying A Stroll At This Year’s Gourmet Dog Meat Festival

(Overbrook, KS) – For three generations the modest hamlet of Overbrook, KS has been cooking up a dish that by most American’s standards is shockingly taboo. Canines have been on the community’s menu since the early 1970s when refugees from the Vietnam war were relocated to the quiet, close-knit township. Grateful for their new-found liberty, the Vietnamese were eager to share many of their ancient customs with their Kansasian neighbors.

As 1985 rolled around the Vietnam-born immigrants had gradually moved away, leaving Overbrook once more a predominantly white community. However, the tradition learned from their foreign friends is one that holds strong to this day.
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Taser(Sherwood, ND) – Hundreds of horrified and enraged parents stormed through the halls of Calcutta elementary school in Sherwood North Dakota demanding justice after two police officers burst into a classroom Friday morning and began tasing random children.

The officers, Hugh Roark and Darren Engen were detained shortly after the incident and remain in custody pending investigation, which senior officers describe as “heinous and unforgivable”.

Meanwhile, parents are left struggling to understand what would motivate the two “peace” officers to pull such a stunt. Officer Andrew Bergman who is working closely with investigators has reported during a press conference that the officers were apparently “bored” with the absence of crime in the tiny North Dakota town. They were also seeking somewhere to practice shooting their newly acquired tasers that the department had issued just a few weeks earlier. A handful of townsfolk had reported seeing the officers in a field along the highway shortly before the incident, firing their tasers at a herd of grazing cattle.
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Giant Hornet

Giant Hornets Such As The Ones Pictured Above Have Been Responsible For Multiple Deaths In Nebraska Last Month

(McPherson County, Nebraska) – In the wake of the world’s most catastrophic nuclear disaster, hospitals in central Nebraska have recently been reporting several deaths caused by a particularly venomous species of Asian wasp that has found its way into the states.

It was reported that these pests have been contaminated by radioactive debris from the failed Fukushima power plant. This has caused them to nearly quadruple in size, and become hyper aggressive.

As if that wasn’t horrific enough, the giant hornet also possesses venom which is nearly 2000 times stronger than that of the common wasp. We spoke to doctor Leon Hobbes of the Nebraska Medical Research Symposium and he reported the following:

“I have never seen anything like it… One sting causes nearly immediate necrosis of surrounding tissue. The venom then quickly spreads causing the destruction of organs. Most victims succumb to renal failure often within hours. Some have had such intense allergic reactions that the complications were enough to cause death within a matter of minutes…”
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jerome-illinois-featured-islamic-flagThe small town of Jerome Illinois made big news this week when they announced plans to celebrate Muslim Appreciation Month in exceptional fashion. Students at Westhills Middle School will get a taste of Islamic living during November as the school gears up to expand children’s understanding and tolerance of Islam.

The middle school, which teaches grades 6th through 8th, houses roughly 300 students during its nine month school year.  Each day of November curriculum will start with a prayer to Allah. Children will then repeat an Islamic pledge of allegiance to Afghanistan’s flag. Studies will include Arabic reading and writing, Islamic history and Qumran study to name a few.

Traditional Islamic meals will also be served in the cafeteria. The month-long celebration will culminate in a two-hour school play about the life and teachings of the prophet Mohammed.

Parents will be required to purchase new school uniforms; Abayas for the girls and Thobes for boys. Failure to partake in the month’s activities will lead to a failing mark and the child being forced to take the grade over.

In a phone conversation,  school principal Mohammed Ishir told me:
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