Chippie The RFID Insists “I’m Not The Mark Of The Beast” In Recent Press Conference

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Chippie’s New Press Release Shows Him Arm In Arm With Jesus Christ

Due to recent controversy over Chippie The RFID’s nationwide school tour, Chippie and his legal representatives held a press conference to clear the air in regards to a number of distasteful allegations that have recently been thrown at the popular RFID mascot.

Chippie is currently halfway into a tour which has seem some heated opposition in certain states. On the 11th of November, upon arriving to their scheduled appearance at Tartarus Middle School in Olympian Village, MO, Chippie and company were faced with throngs of enraged and confrontational protesters surrounding the school.

Despite the presence of such hostile resistance, everyone managed to make it into the school to carry on with the much anticipated presentation.

The audience was much smaller than that of previous appearances, but the crew intended to give 110% regardless the turnout. The show was cut short, however, when a woman in the audience began reciting bible verses at the top of her lungs and accusing Chippie of being The Mark Of The Beast. This caused several children in the audience to break into hysterics and the show had to be canceled.

Chippie attempted to inform those in attendance at the press conference that these nefarious allegations were completely untrue. “I’m not the mark of the beast” Chippie yelped in his comically high-pitched voice, “I just want to keep American’s safe!”

To drive the point home, Chippie’s assistance rolled out a new campaign slogan to quell the fears of old-fashioned, and religious-minded opponents. Pictured above, Chippie can be seen arm in arm with Jesus Christ with the words “WWJD: RFID” featured prominently on the image.

Will this tactic prove for smooth sailing throughout the latter half of Chippie’s tour? I suppose only time and the notions of a superstitious Christian minority will predict how this situation will eventually pan out.

Jane M. Agni (2013, November 13)
Originally Published On National Report

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Jane Agni

Jane Agni

Jane M. Agni is a professional journalist residing in the rain-soaked city of Portland, Oregon. She is currently Editor-In-Chief of the websites, Every Woman Weekly, and Self-Worth Digest, in addition to being Senior Journalist for the infamous news satire site, National Report. Follow Jane on Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus for daily updates on new articles and more.
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