Trillions and bazillions of death threats were received by feminist blogger Adora Bull after she released an article entitled “5 Reasons Why I’m Glad Paul Walker is Dead“. She was forced into hiding and is reported to be on suicide watch after her phone number and address were leaked online.
“I woke up in the middle of the night and there were a dozen guys in my parking lot just pounding my car to smithereens”, Adora reported from an undisclosed location. “I hastily packed a few essentials and phoned the police. The men managed to disperse before the police arrived so I had them take me to a relatives house where I have been ever since. I don’t imagine I will be returning to my home anytime in the near future. In fact, I am currently making arrangements to relocate to a different city until all these ridiculous cretins calm down. I mean, they didn’t even care about this guy until he died. Really, it’s just ridiculous. My car is completely destroyed because people have the poor taste to worship some of the worst movies ever made. I mean, whatever.”
“I Don’t Imagine I Will Be Returning To My Home Anytime In The Near Future…”
Hundreds of fans have vowed to hunt down Ms. Bull and make her pay for her flippant comments in regards to their dearly departed hero. “They want me to get assaulted, murdered, tortured in every manner imaginable. Watch my entire family get eviscerated to death before I’m raped to death… Bla, bla, bla, ad nauseam. You name it. They said they are going to do it to me. Last I checked this was America folks, and this thing called freedom of speech. You don’t have to like my opinions just like I don’t have to like the movies you so desperately worship. Take a brick, build a bridge and get over it.”
We’re told that the FBI are currently looking into some of the threats aimed at Adora Bull and are taking the situation with the utmost seriousness. Modern Woman Digest has been assisting law enforcement officials by forwarding all of the IP addresses of commentators to the police.
We asked Adora what she planned to do about her car. “I have already obtained a new vehicle. In fact, those schmucks sort of did me a favor since I have insurance that will replace my car in the event something like this happens. I got a newer nicer model now, very luxurious”, She giggles, “I would love to invite them to burn down my house as well. I have been considering getting an updated condo for some time.”
While Adora Bull is still said to be on suicide watch she seems to be weathering this stint of disgruntlement with class and style. Despite having kindled so much vitriol and rage amongst die hard fans of the Fast and Furious series, Ms. Bull claims that it’s not derailing her from her work and she plans to release much more content in the future.
Photo credit: Smashed front windshield, By James St. John, Licensed under CC BY 2.0, Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jsjgeology/14964553677/
Jane M. Agni (2013, December 4)
Originally Published On National Report, Modern Woman Digest