Dear Jane, let me first say that I greatly admire your work, and hope to one day be a prominent feminist icon, such as yourself.
I’m in my early 20’s and attending my second year of Women’s Studies at Cambridge College in Boston, MA. I’m fat positive, bbw, bisexual cis-girl who has been feeling particularly lonely as of late. When I have attempted to enter the dating game, the “men” frequently turn out to be assholes who don’t understand the importance of feminism, LGBTQ rights, and everything else that’s so super essential in today’s society.
Worse yet, some men I’ve met have been outright misogynists, and even attempt debating me on the necessity of feminism in modern American culture.
I don’t know how much of this searching I can tolerate. I’d love to be able to avoid such toxic interactions, and choose from a pool of feminist men who share my views and aspirations to overthrow the patriarchy.
Easier said than done, I know… Which is why I’m writing you today. How do I find a male counterpart who is a LGBTQ ally? Where do I need to go? What do I do? Please help!
Thanks so much for the kind words, Kia! Years of hard work and dedication led me to my impressive status amongst the feminist pantheon, as well as my outstanding career in investigative journalism. I will be happy to help with your situation, and add a few ideas for you to meditate upon as well, Sister.
The first thing you must come to terms with is that many of men you encounter, whether they claim to be an ally or not, are really just agents of the patriarchy in disguise.
While these guys may be adamant in supporting causes we are passionate about, the majority of them have ulterior motives. Their primary aim usually being coitus. Many males adopt our ideologies and make a game out of posturing as feminists, but they are really just sleazy, sex-obsessed wolves waiting to plunder our powerful pudendas.
You must be diligent in recognizing these impostors so you can publicly shame them and put them on blast–You must always be ready to warn your sisters if there is an impostor in their midst. It’s of the utmost importance that you determine whether or not he isn’t just another over-privileged hunk of cis filth who has slipped under the radar and infiltrated your feminist circle.
Grill him on feminist literature. Instant red flag if he has never read anything by Andrea Dworkin.
Is his medicine cabinet well stocked with feminine hygiene products giving consideration to the women in his life who may be experiencing menstruation?
Does he make more money than you in his current profession? Ask him if he would be willing to part with the difference in order to make up for the gender wage gap in the workplace.
If he balks at any of this, kick him to the curb immediately.
Make sure you can stand independently on your own before seeking to enter into a relationship. Relationships will never fix a void in your own life–They generally make things worse in the long run. Sit with yourself and take notes of what you’re looking for and make sure it doesn’t impose on your own independence, or otherwise subvert control from your Empowered Womanhood.
Consider speaking with classmates, and going to like-minded parties/gatherings. Events such as Slut Walk can potentially lead to love, as many progressive men, and non-binary individuals are in attendance. Coffee shops are also a sure fire bet to find a male who deeply respects womanhood, and the plight we all face being of the fairer sex.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide, Kia, and keep up that hard work! One day maybe you can be a figurehead of the progressive women’s movement just like me!
© Jane M. Agni (2016, June 15)
Originally Published On Every Woman Weekly