New Study Reveals Eating Human Excrement Significantly Reduces Heart Attack Risk

Home / New Study Reveals Eating Human Excrement Significantly Reduces Heart Attack Risk

eating-feces-cures-heart-disease-wyoming-institute-scienceExclusive research from the Bridgewood Heart Foundation has revealed that eating a bit of your own feces every day can drastically reduce heart attack, and other heart-related ailments. The study indicates that there is a chemical found in human waste which can boost a natural defense mechanism that in turn protects arteries from disease.

This chemical compound in excrement is absent from the vascular areas around the heart, leaving them prone to stagnation. Head of Bridgewood Heart Foundation’s research team, Dr. James Normand, commented on the miraculous discovery during his recent press conference.

“We made this astounding revelation while observing rabbits who consume a bit of their own cecotropes (feces) on a daily basis. We restricted a group of rabbits from practicing this behavior, and within a month, they had all perished from atherosclerosis; Essentially a build-up of fatty plaques around the heart. We quickly gathered together a test group to see if this theory would also be effective for humans, and lo and behold, our assumptions were correct. Those who were prone to heart disease had almost completely restored vascular function after a month of fecal consumption. It’s a miracle.”

When asked if it was safe for the general public to start practicing these methods of improving their own cardio-vascular health, Dr. Normand was adamant in encouraging the rest of the world to do so immediately. “Since we have unearthed these findings, all of the researchers, clinical staff and technicians at Bridgewood immediately began practicing fecal consumption techniques to promote health benefits in our own lives. I myself like to chow down on a fresh log with my morning coffee. Once you get past the initial bitter flavor, you really start to crave the invigorating jolt of energy it provides. My wife and I love swapping ours and savoring the subtle flavors like fine wine.”

Jame M. Agni (2014, July 15)
Originally Published On WIT Science

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Jane Agni

Jane Agni

Jane M. Agni is a professional journalist residing in the rain-soaked city of Portland, Oregon. She is currently Editor-In-Chief of the websites, Every Woman Weekly, and Self-Worth Digest, in addition to being Senior Journalist for the infamous news satire site, National Report. Follow Jane on Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus for daily updates on new articles and more.
Jane Agni

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