The love shared between a man and a woman is truly a magical, rapturous thing that should always be cherished and preserved. However, there are times when that love can become strained due to many of the pressures and conflicts all couples inevitably face throughout their relationship.
It’s for these reasons we here at Every Woman Weekly feel it’s of the utmost importance to help educate women in the ways they can establish an unbreakable bond with their mate, as well as intensify the love you already share.
Get A Tattoo Of His Name/Likeness
What could be a more romantic statement than forever engraving the visage of your loved one into your flesh with Indian ink? Nothing, that’s what. It does not matter if you are one of those “alternative” girls who is already plastered with with tattoos from head to toe, or if you are a young, innocent “Plain Jane”. There are options for each and every woman when it comes to transforming your own body into a permanent shrine to your special man.
While some women may want to get their boyfriend’s entire likeness permanently etched on their mortal form, others may want to go with something a bit more contemporary. For these ladies I would suggest having his name tattooed on a prominent part of your body in the lettering of your choice. Trust me, the next time your man yanks down your chonies and sees his own name emblazoned across your ample buttocks in bold, Old English font, you’re going to be in for the railing of your damn life, girl.
Threaten To Hurt Yourself If He Ever Leaves You
Men are generally dense creatures who rarely pick up on the subtle hints and mind games us ladies love to employ. In the event that your man demonstrates any sort of disenchantment with your relationship, it is vital that you utilize the correct techniques in order to really drive home just how much he means to you.
If you two are in the midst of a disagreement, say things to reassure him such as “I would kill myself if you ever left me!” There are few things in this world more flattering to men than the notion that a woman would die for them. Brandish weapons to really make him understand the gravity of your emotional attachment. Hurl yourself to the ground while screaming and crying as if he himself had actually just rammed a rusty shiv right into your quivering, fragile heart.
Men understand concepts on more of a visual level so it is crucial that you are able to accurately demonstrate the depth of your feelings towards him via physical cues.
Encourage Him To Sleep With Other Women
There’s a saying that goes a little something like “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” What act could demonstrate this more effectively than encouraging your fella to sleep with every cheap bimbo that looks his way?
Be grateful when he comes home to shower off all the snail tracks and floozy sweat before he hops in the sack with you. As a secure, evolved woman, you know in your heart that you are his “special” one.
It is a scientific fact that monogamy is not natural and only an immature, insecure, sniveling little twit would cruelly demand that their man be chained to their snatch for eternity.
In the rare event that your man actually declines to partake in the cornucopia of vagina you so generously gave him permission to plunder, berate him until he complies. Question his sexuality and needle at the very foundation of his masculinity. This shall give you extra leverage down the road during arguments when you suddenly change your mind about him porking other heifers–Total bonus!
Have Him Impregnate You Without His Knowledge Or Consent
Nothing strengthens a relationship quite like the presence of a child. When you know in your heart that this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, there’s really no harm in poking a few holes in those condoms or “accidentally” missing a dozen or so doses of your birth control pills. It’s all worth it when you see that look on his face after you inform him that you currently have his spawn marinating in your guts.
He might appear as if he’s just seen his life flashing before his eyes, but really, that expression spells absolute, undeniable, everlasting love for the woman who is about to excrete the perpetually screaming, defecating melange of his combined DNA.
Make His Best Friends Your Best Friends
To truly love a man you must also love the people he surrounds himself with. It is incredibly important that you make his friends feel as comfortable as possible when they are around. Attend football games with him and his buddies and scream and holler when the opposing team scores. You might receive a lot of awkward glances but rest assured you are getting in good with him by impressing his bros. Constantly tag along and try to make conversation.
Interrupt their “guy talk” to interject your profound little morsels of female wisdom. If that doesn’t do the trick, offer a few of them a secret blowy so at least you will have a runner-up rebound boyfriend when crap hits the fan in your current relationship.
© Jane M. Agni (2015, November 04)
Originally Published On Every Woman Weekly