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(Atlanta, GA) – Bracing for the inevitable flood of rabid shoppers eager to take advantage of Black Friday deals, multiple shop owners have chosen to employ off duty officers in full riot gear equipped with electrical prods to keep the unruly masses in check.

Martin Denny, owner of Denny’s Discount Deals & More has hired four armed security guards, each of them fully prepared to use force if faced with any possible aggression. “Last year there was nearly a riot in my shop over buy-one-get-one-free economy packs of adult diapers. That’s a day I really don’t wish to revisit, so I have taken measures to assure it does not occur again.”

Sadly, the incident at Denny’s store was not an isolated event during last years Black Friday shopping frenzy. Emergency rooms filled to over capacity all over Atlanta with people who had sustained a myriad of injuries during the 24 hour free-for-all. Several elderly people as well as children were trampled to death during stampedes when stores finally opened their doors.
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