TSA – Not The Hero Americans Deserve, But The One We Need Right Now

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After 9/11 (never forget) many aspects of the American way of life were effected by drastic changes. Not only did we lose hundreds of our brothers and sisters on that tragic day, we also lost a considerable amount of privacy and freedom. One area in which this is most evident is our airports and their increased scrutiny of passengers.

Long gone are the days of comfortable, hassle-free flights. Now we are forced to contend with the ugly, assumptive sneers of deviant TSA agents. They are savage, brainless thugs, given authority which far exceeds their experience, intelligence and tax bracket.

These feeble-minded, cretinous schlubs whose sub-par IQ’s and doughy physiques wouldn’t allow them to become cops, are now essentially allowed to run rampant upon travelers at their own leisure. They spend their days debasing the general public, while barely providing any relevant service for which their positions were designed.

I find it amazing that even after nonstop allegations of abuse at the hands of TSA agents, people still insist on using airlines as their primary means of long-distance travel. Each day, millions of Americans willingly subject themselves to what would be seen in a sane society as sexual assault.

“Too Many Crazy People With An Axe To Grind These Days. You Just Never Know. A Family Member. A Friend. You Could Be Walking Down The Sidewalk, Minding Your Own Business, And You Still Might Get Your Head Cut Right Off Your Shoulders. Just Bleeding There On The Asphalt. Dead.”
Jim Harris, Frequent Flier-

Why? Where does America’s masochistic apathy come from? How is it that people have not banded together in opposition and proclaimed “enough is enough”? To find the answers to these questions I visited an undisclosed airport in the Northwest and interviewed several frequent fliers about the TSA and their impact on post 9/11 travel .

When I met Jim Harris, the regional manager of a popular hotel chain, he was bent over a table while being vigorously frisked by a male TSA agent. “I don’t really mind the pat downs, to be honest. If being felt-up is the sacrifice I have to make to ensure a safe flight, I’m more than willing to make it. Too many crazy people with an axe to grind these days. You just never know. A family member. A friend. You could be walking down the sidewalk, minding your own business, and you still might get your head cut right off your shoulders. Just bleeding there on the asphalt. Dead.”

Mr. Harris added, “Because of my job, I travel often, and to be perfectly honest, it gets a bit lonely out there in the world. Sometimes it’s nice to enjoy the pleasantries of human contact. When I’m getting patted down, I pretend it’s Lady Liberty gently embracing and comforting me. Completely changes the perspective.”

Perhaps Americans Deserve-Nay, Require A Shepherd? An Authority Figure To Discourage Individualistic Desires And The Potentially Harmful Effects They Could Have On Mankind As A Whole?

“Do we even have a choice?” Said Michelle Graye, a 34-year-old mother of two who was kind enough to speak with me after having been forcibly strip searched by airport security. Obviously flustered, Michelle told me that “It’s either this or take a slightly longer and more expensive trip by train. Sadly, being a single mother, those options aren’t as easy for me.” She went onto say, “It’s a pain in the neck for sure, but honestly, I wouldn’t feel comfortable traveling if it weren’t for all this added security. Otherwise, I might even try to sneak on a few ounces of blow in my children’s diapers. The temptation would just be too great.”

Could it be that humanity has arrived at a desperate standoff between civilization’s laws and mankind’s true malicious nature? Perhaps Americans deserve–nay, require a shepherd? An authority figure to discourage individualistic desires and the potentially harmful effects they could have on mankind as a whole? The terror attacks of 9/11 are a perfect testament to humanity’s inability to coexist peacefully. Can we really afford to chance a repeat of the twin tower bombings? I certainly do not believe so.

Without a doubt, TSA agents are little more than government sponsored thugs. Brutish enforcers deployed by the “man” himself. Their purpose has less to do with finding bombs and everything to do with the psychological impact they have on large groups of people. Soiling the dignity of common citizen allows them to present the illusion of an orderly world, one in which crimes are punished and the good guys always win.

With these rationalizations, TSA agents could be considered sort of “anti-hero”. It’s perfectly natural to hate them, for what inmate doesn’t hate their warden? And what is the world but a cosmic prison, anyway? Yes, these black hats, they are a necessary evil, serving a greater good by defending humankind from a self-imposed meltdown. Remember that next time a TSA agent is peering into your anus for signs of contraband. Perhaps you’ll consider giving them the ole’ thumbs up, commending them on their abuse, and all the safety we enjoy because of it.

Jane M. Agni (2014, April 27)
Originally Published On National Report

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Jane Agni

Jane Agni

Jane M. Agni is a professional journalist residing in the rain-soaked city of Portland, Oregon. She is currently Editor-In-Chief of the websites, Every Woman Weekly, and Self-Worth Digest, in addition to being Senior Journalist for the infamous news satire site, National Report. Follow Jane on Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus for daily updates on new articles and more.
Jane Agni

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